Packed up......

On careers and choices

Call me old-fashioned, but I have never been much of a feminist.
See, I don't believe in things like "levelling the playing field", "diversity and inclusion", crap like that. I believe that either you stack up or you don't, regardless of your gender.

Meaning, if you want to be a CEO that has to wine and dine clients, then that means many nights of getting home after your kids go to bed. It means sacrificing your weekend to cut a red ribbon at some official event. Why should concessions be made just because you're a woman and you want to read your kids a bedtime story? And, even more ridiculous, if you have jobs that require people to stay offshore for long periods, why bother to even try to get women into long term careers there? I have observed female technicians offshore having to pass on tasks that require some physical strength to the guys. Which means, they could not pull their weight. Where is the equality there? I have always found it strange that women expect concessions to be made for them in the workplace, but when it comes to other folks (i.e. the men) having to do more to cover for them (if something has to get done, it has to get done, no?), become strangely silent. I know it must be terribly politically incorrect to say this - I firmly believe some jobs are just not cut out for women (offshore, the Army come to mind). As with everything else, it is merit that counts, not some laughable policy of having women in leadership just for the sake of having women in leadership.

So here's the thing. I recently received a couple of job offers, and I found myself considering stuff I would have never expected to, as someone who always considered herself not only ambitious, but who never expected any concessions to be made just because of her gender.

So I don't expect anyone to level my playing field or give me a leg up because I'm female. So it makes some sense, don't you think, that I never expected to have to make my own concessions or compromises when it comes to getting ahead. Now, being a woman in a relationship (marriage, family), with a career, I am starting to feel some of these contradictions. Who gives way in a dual career family? Who follows whom?

I received an offer from a competitor company, and declined as it would be better for both of us to work in the same organisation and progress together. Fair enough.

Then there was another offer to work in the Middle East. I have never worked, nor studied, abroad before and that has always been on my must-do list, although I will admit that an Arab country was not what I envisioned. I am giving it up also as I should not be going alone, I am not getting any younger, we need to stay together to start a family, etc etc. I know it's the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean giving up an opportunity like that was an easy decision. And what irks me is that had the situation been reversed, it would have been easier for me to follow my partner. It's normal. But not the other way around.

I know it's for the best, that many things are more important than climbing some ladder and money (heck I even wrote about it), but the truth is and call me naive, I never expected to make these kinds of decisions. I always imagined myself as a go-getter, and here I am declining offers left and right. And while I would not give up my relationship with my partner for anything, that I love the mutual support, the prospect of a life together, I will say this - these decisions don't come easy.

Oh man, now I wonder if I'm really ready for kids.

Update: It turns out that that so-called offer to work in the Middle East, was never that great to begin with. So all's well.

Of folksy tunes and Tudor London

Another weekend, and more stuff I love:

1) Upbeat, folksy tunes with cornets, lots of guitar strumming, an accordian, replete with cheerful "hey" cries throughout the songs. I especially adore Little Talks by the Icelandic indie rock outfit Of Monsters and Men (somehow a lot of music I fancy seem to be coming from Iceland). Another song, Ho Hey, by the Lumineers, is really similar with its intermittent "Ho!", "Hey" throughout the song. Nice pick-me-ups they are, especially when one is trudging through excel spreadsheets.





2) Lately I have been looking forward to the end of the day - when I am done with work and housework and everything else. I am in my pyjamas under the covers, the airconditioning on, a drink (green tea or hot chocolate) by the bedside and a really really good read. Such bliss. Medieval fiction, which I happen to be really crazy about  (Pillars of the Earth, anyone?) I just finished C. J Sansom's Dark Fire and am now trying to pace myself reading Revelation. I read Dissolution some years back and I have to say, some parts of that story really gave me the chills. Sansom makes all the issues of medieval London under Henry VIII come to sordid life. It is the post-Dissolution era. King Henry VIII has severed England's ties with the Pope in the Vatican, and reformation is underway. Benedectine, Franciscan monks who have only known lives of prayer, charity and relative comfort in monasteries (thanks to alms from the devout), not are turned out into the streets helpless to fend for themselves. Orphans, the forsaken, the sick wandering the streets full of filth. Catholic papists and hardline reformers burning each other at stake, depending on the religious leanings king's spouse at that time (he had six after all) and everyone else caught in between. Sansom captures all of this in magnificient, sometimes painful to read, detail. Couple that with some truly intriguing (at times seriously disturbing) murder mysteries that left me guessing all the way, and the trechearous politics of Tudor London (Henry VIII, the Duke of York, and Thomas Cromwell all feature) - and oh, what a thrill these stories are to read.

Oven omelette

I previously mentioned that, given that I have a little over a month left here, I decided not to refill my cooking gas tank. But I still have most of my meals at home - using my trusty electrical appliances - kettle, microwave, toaster oven. I'll admit - a lot of it is heating up fried chicken and fishballs bought from the deli counters of supermarkets and instant noodles. But I make do.

Today, since i had a bit more time, I tore up a piece of aluminium foil, placed it in my trusty Indian copper platter and smeared a little oil all over it. I diced up an onion and tossed it in the oil with a little Maggie seasoning and placed it in the oven toaster with dial up to 12 minutes. Meanwhile I broke 2 eggs in a bowl, grated in a clove of garlic and some ginger. Since I had some mozarella I tossed a couple of slices in too. Tossed in a very finely sliced bird's eye chilli too, and whisked it all up with a fork. I opened the toaster door to the sweet smell of my onions caramellizing and a nice sizzling sound. I poured the contents of the bowl over the onions and closed the door. By the time the timer rang, I had a nice little frittata ready.

Voila, dinner.



Fresh ginger muffins

With the move impending, another thing I have been trying to do is use up my perishables - butter, cooking chocolate, flour - in my pantry and fridge.

So this long weekend I baked me some fresh ginger muffins. Just the pure flavour of fresh ginger, with a bit of bite in the texture, thanks the (deliberate) incomplete pulses in my little blender - I was too lazy to use my trusty Japanese porcelain grater.

Fresh ginger muffins

1/2 cup butter

1 1/2 cups self-raising flour

1/2 cup caster sugar

3 tbsp brown sugar

2 eggs

2 tbsp demerara sugar (optional, to top the muffins)

1/3 cup grated ginger

Preheat the oven to 160 deg C. Melt the butter and let it cool slightly. Stir in the ginger, caster and brown sugar to mix. Add the eggs by one, stirring to incorporate before adding the second one. Tip in the flour and stir just to incorporate. Spoon into muffin cups/tins, then sprinkle the tops with demerara sugar.

Bake for around 20 minutes, till a skewer inserted in the middle of the muffins come out clean.

Throws and Art

So the little kink we encountered in the transaction of our new place has been ironed out. HUGE sigh of relief. Despite the delays (about a month), the bottom line is, we still love the place, and to undergo another round of house-hunting, negotiations and starting the process of purchasing all over again would be at least twice as long. So we'll take what we can get.

We made an order for a handmade woven cane sofa here in Miri. I am absolutely in love with it. It is a boxy, modern design, rustic dark-brown colour, grey Indian cotton upholstery and turquoise cushions. I can't wait for it to be completed. AK bought me a woven chest from them three years back for as a birthday present, and after two years it's still in pristine condition. You can't find hand-made, top-quality workmanship and materials for the same prices in West Malaysia.

In the meantime I am window shopping online for inspirations and other stuff.

I really want a soft throw for the sofa, to be used as a blanket to be snuggled into during movie nights and when it rains. Don't these sofas look super cosy? They are just waiting to be snuggled into. This is the kind of decor style I favour - a mishmash of styles that one loves and not necessarily strictly adhering to a certain look, be it modern, tropical or countryside. I especially love the look of the plain sofa with colourful throw cushions and cosy rug.

Pictures above courtesy of the Style Files.

I have been hounding eBay for soft throws, and found two that I really really like, from here and here (pictures c/o). They are made from Acapalca wool from Peru and they don't come cheap. So I think I will wait a couple of weeks - till my sofa gets here at least - to see if the craving still stays. I've made one too many impulse purchases last year just because I shappenned to stumbe something I thought I really needed wanted. So this time I am trying to practice a bit more self-restraint and I am trying to buy some time before I click "Buy".





Oh, and I've also been stalking Etsy for artwork. Mostly local vendors (Thailand, Malaysia). I love paintings of local scenes - shophouses and temples in Penang, tranquil seascapes like these ones from here. I have a real penchant for watercolours, and I love the moody blue washes in these pieces.

I also love artwork depicting food and the kitchen (this being one my favourite blogs - her works are super funny). So I am thinking also about artworks like this one here, from another Etsy seller.

 Ahh, decisions, decisions.

Newness

1) New necklaces, at prices to good not to snap them, from Forever21 and the local crafts market

2) The first 100% silk shirt I own. From Zara. Love the slouchy cut and of course, the feel of the fabric against my skin.

3) This gorgeous not-to-casual maxi dress, in vivid emerald. Also from Zara (I swear, this store will be death of my financial health one day - stylish, quality clothes at prices just at the high range of my price comfort zone). The peekaboo skirt makes it slightly special and the scoop neckline keeps it casual, in lieu of my usual halter or spaghetti straps in maxi dresses. Which mean I can wear this to church without looking overly dressy either. I have plans to wear this to Christmas mass (yes, it's a bit of planning a bit far ahead, but hey, this is how I justified the purchase)

4) I've been looking for this one forever - handwoven ikat table runner in blue rather than the usual red, brown and yellow. Something to remember Sarawak by.