Back in Miri & Feelin'

The best thing about being solo is that I can eat as much as/as little as/as crazily as I want.

A good example is today.

Breakfast: Nescafe super-kau, Cadbury Nut Break milk chocolate, nasi lemak with rendang ayam and extra sambal
Lunch: McD - Chocolate milkshake (I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse that Miri's McD doesn't sell milkshakes -on one hand I'd be happy all the time, on the other I'd probably be a lot heavier than I am now, Diet Coke.

I guess this also contributes, along with the super dry Nikko conditioned air and the plane's as well to my feeling like crap now.

Plus some news from new colleague+new boss, both of whom are not in the office but are managing to drive me gila from KL and the US, respectively.

Oh well, it's just work aint it??

I hate office politics.

But am not giving in.

Too Much Too Soon

Gotta stop spending.

Just totalled up my latest purchases over the last 3 months since the start of this year and I've spent more than a thousand bucks on the most minor of stuff - impulse purchases at the airport, shoes, ebay (one of which ruined my one and only fave pink shirt when I washed them together &%$@#!).

Gotta-stop-now. I coulda bought a new digicam with that money.

But then....I wouldn't go to sleep to Jodi Picoult. And I know I can never rest in peace until I own Nigella Lawson's books - just bought How to Eat and am planning to get How to be A Domestic Goddess the next time I come - both in one go would just be too heavy for me to lug to/at the airport.

And I do love my new shoes from Eclipse. Pics to come, they're so beautiful and they make me feel that way too.

And damnit, I love my discounted top from Tangs that makes me look thinner than I really am and doesn't need ironing - really, what more could one ask of a top??

And I do need new moisturizer and powder after more than a year of using the same stuff.

I'm posting here because I need to STOPPIT NOW.

Now I can justify it because my bonus just came in, but last year I spent the same amount of money only in December, and it's only March this year.

And I have a cat that eats way too much too. Ok, ok - he's got nothing to do with my crazy shopping, but he does eat a lot of cat food.

*deep breath* Here goes:

Eclipse Pewter Heels - RM97
Eclipse Black Heels - RM103
Nigella Lawson - How to Eat - RM90
Lonely Planet Cambodia - RM88
Jodi Picoult's New Book - forgot the damn title but it was a good one - RM36
Never Wrestle With a Pig - RM50
LipIce+RM7 for a new body scrub - RM19
New no-iron Top from Tangs - RM90 (discounted)
eBay Purchases - RM148 (my only regret)
Hairbands - RM16
CNY shoes (black pumps) - RM55
Silicone tongs - RM50 (wee......eelllll..it does have a lifetime warranty...)
Silpat Baking Mat - RM25 (this also)
Parkson CNY purchases RM220 (Benetton loose pants, spaghetti strap top, dusky blue top knit top) - RM220
Popular discounted books - RM75

AK is gonna jump out of his skin when he sees these numbers. Just a reminder, dear, that I'm not buying a new laptop/desktop. So don't freak too much, ok???

But oh crap, it really is a lot of money. And not that much to show for it - no camera or nice watch or that Braun Buffel wallet that I fell in love with. Oh double crap.

I really think I need to be tied down to the hotel bed the next time I visit KL.

Solo in KL

Am alone in KL, alone in the office. I've been eating dinner 2 nights in a row at the same Little Penang restaurant, eating the same Penang Prawn Noodles, my nose buried in Newsweek (compliments of the Nikko hotel). I fall asleep to CNN rhetorics, and wake up to have breakfast at the most hospitably staffed, but rather pathetically spread Nikko lounge breakfast buffet. You know I mean pathetic when I've been eating Weetabix 2 days in a row and actually enjoying it.

Flying solo is not all bad at all, truthfully. Plenty of time at night to waltz around KLCC with all my thoughts swirling in my head, plenty of time to let those thoughts swirl in my head, for me to taste them, touch their beginnings, run my mind through them like, fine toothed or wide toothed, taste their undertones, swill them as I want left, right, turn them upside down, swallow or discard. All while (mostly) window shopping and, in between the tasting of the thoughts, hating the fact that it's not that I can't really afford the stuff I want, it's my damned "good judgement". Aargh, the inner tug of war between the frivolous, vain, it-looks-too-good-on-me-to-pass-it-up me and the other more ominous voice of reason. What is there to be gained from these "investments"? Think of the house, think of the house. Think Rich Dad Poor Dad, make your money work for you. Yeesh, no fun at all. No denying that a good outfit can make my day, though. One just feels greater when one manages to turn some heads, no?

Had a super mind-matter intensive meeting yesterday with a really (in my opinion, anyways) brilliant engineer. Now, I've failed a Menda test before, and my university results are so-so, but really, I seldom have go into things or learn stuff that makes my mind bend over backwards like it did yesterday. Engineering is not something to tough, right? That's why we get paid so little, right?

But yesterday I came away from the 8 hour long meeting with a pounding headache that a super kau espresso (what is this la - since when are there watery espressos anyways - they'd be Americanos, no?) did nothing to cure.

It was a refreshing experience, one that left me with a pounding headache and very much too weak to do some serious shopping, oops, dinner-hunting in KL.

Wow, wish I could work with him.

The Tug of War in Me

What I want most, right now, is a Tag Hauer watch, and a diamond solitaire pendant.

Fast forward 2 minutes, Oprah on TV, and all I want now is to donate all the money I have to charity.

Sometimes I think there are (not limited to) two sides of me. Nowadays, to the chagrin of my conscience, I want so many material things, and I think of them a lot - cue the Tag and salivating over clothes which I probably might wear a handful of times in my lifetime. I've been window shopping for 1-carat Lazare diamond (AK has generously offered to sell his to buy it :)) and when it seemed futile, on ebay for the likes of this (see above).

Once thought was my life's calling, but sadly is fading into one of dreams (you know, along with the Olympic gold medal, platinum album, US presidency) that was, well, just a dream. Volunteering with the likes of Medicins Sans Frontieres, Mercy Malaysia, and the like. You know, dedicating one's life to helping others.

But at the end of the day, it's merely an excuse, isn't it? Who says that one has to live in tattered khakis without deodorant for the rest of one's life to make a difference? I don't have to uproot myself to do some good. I have weekends now that I'm off offshore, don't I?

And I've always had the most nagging feeling that there HAS to be more to life than work. Nowadays, other than cooking, I really don't have a real hobby that takes up my time.

There comes a choice that one has to make, or I have to make, as I get older and set in motion how the rest of my life will be lived. Will I dedicate myself to my career. Do I still want to rise through the ranks? Do I want to just focus on making money (those are 2 different paths at where I work) and not care about the job - I don't know how to do this yet but there are days when one questions one's truest priorities, and why in the world do I want from my work?

How do I want to define myself? And of course, such a titillating thought - could I have it all? Successful career that doesn't eat up my life (is that an oxymoron?? hope not), enough money for the occasional holiday and some luxury, and a thriving life outside work which hopefully involves some work for the good of others?

There are so many opportunities to help others, especially at where I work now (this state in Malaysia I mean). I just have to get off my lazy butt and DO it, don't I? A

A Little More Pig Wisdom...

Excellent point from NWWP which I will practice today:

"Do the most difficult thing first (I mean work stuff) - see that person, finish that report."

Again and again I find this to be absolutely true.

Not easy, but true

Yes, I shall.


More photos from Barioooooo...............