On the B-word

2-month-old milk monster

I have a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. I knew I would breastfeed, or at least try to. What I didn't do was read/research enough about the topic before delivery. 

My hospital

I was lucky enough to "choose" Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur. How I came to this hospital - through my gynae, whom I landed on merely because her clinic is 5 minutes' drive from our house. She's affiliated with Pantai. It was a toss-up initially between the more luxurious hotel hospital in KL that was located in the heart of downtown KL and this one a 20 minute drive away. I was too lazy to make the long monthly/biweekly drive for my checkups, so Pantai it was. Turns out it is a hospital  truly genuine about encouraging breastfeeding. We attended their prenatal classes, where they strongly advocated/encouraged it and had specific sessions on latching, positioning, diet, etc. In fact I felt they were a little too enthusiastic, almost bordering on forceful. 

After my delivery and Emma had to extend her stay due to jaundice for phototherapy, my stay was automatically extended just to breastfeed her. The nurses wheeled her into my room every 2-3 hours for me to breastfeed, day and night, and helped me with my latching. I had visits from the hospital's lactation consultants and one of them, Sister Uma Devi, even identified Emma's tongue-tie problem on the 3rd day. After Googling it we made the quick decision to get the tongue tie removed (it's a 2-second snip by a surgeon) and that made a WORLD of difference in the latch. She even made us come back a week after we were discharged to check on how we were improving. I will be forever grateful to her. I'd recommend this hospital in a heartbeat, though I read good things about the other hospital too.

Of course it's good for us

I won't go into detail on the benefits of breast milk vs formula (everyone's enthusing about the latest study on longer term benefits) - there's plenty of literature out there. I agree with almost everything this excellent blog post says about the other benefits, except for two - the weight loss and saving money parts (I'll get to those in a while). 

The biggest plus for me, the reason why I kinda love breastfeeding, well, I'll just show you:-

Post feeding bliss :)

Pumping and all that jazz

When I said no need to sterilize/wash bottles, I didn't mean no washing at all. I started pumping to build up supply for when I return to work, and those pump parts and bottles need to be washed and cleaned. I'll admit that part of the reason I pump less than I should is the laziness to handle the pump parts. Then there's the much-despised midnight (or early morning, for me) pumping. The ironic thing is that my baby has learnt to sleep through the night (falls asleep at around 12 to 1 am and wakes at around 6 - 6.30 am), my breasts have yet to learn to do the same. I have to set my alarm to 5 am to pump my engorged breasts (if I'm too tired the girls will helpfully leak some milk - nothing like a cold wet night shirt if the alarm snooze button doesn't work). 

I have to say though - I'm getting into the pumping groove. I've pumped in the car after we went to watch  Russel Peters perform live one and a half months post partum, and in a washroom in Gardens Mid Valley (my tip: carry rubbing alcohol in the pump bag in case you can't find/occupy a nursing room).

Contrary to what everyone says, it ain't cheap

And speaking of pumping, unless you're a full time stay at home mum who has the time (and the sanity) to directly latch all the time, I'm starting to feel that this claim that breastfeeding saves money (vs. buying formula) is a sham. Did I mention how much the top-of-the-line portable electric double breast pump costs? I need to breastfeed for 20 weeks before I recover the cost of the pump. Then there's the cost of the breastfeeding pillow (I found this extremely useful in the early weeks), additional bottles and storage bags, nursing bras, breast pads, nursing cover, the hand pump I intend to purchase as a spare in case my electric one lets me down....you get the gist. 

The downsides

My biggest beef with breastfeeding. While I love the bond it creates between my baby and I, that I am her sole source of nutrition, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it, well - suffocating, at times. There, I said it. Somehow I imagined I could cook and bake more, and go shopping during these 3 months of maternity leave - hah. Emma happens to be a consummate snacker (I suppose she takes after me), and loves to take smaller meals at short intervals (every hour/hour and a half sometimes vs. the norm of 2-3 hours). We try to time outings after her feedings, but then again, I've fed her in the car (it's become a norm for us), in friends's houses, in my gynae clinic, in One Utama and Publika. I admit, I sometimes resent being forced to sit down and do nothing else. Which leads me to the weight loss part - I am (sadly) not one of those mums who dropped the pregnancy weight breastfeeding and eating all I want (another claim I am skeptical about now). Maybe it's the lack of sleep, every day all I want to eat are chocolate, cookies and cake. Not helping the situation. I put on 14 kilos in total, and shed 8 of them in the delivery. Today after 10 weeks I have shed only an additional 2 - 3 kilos. And the flab - well, it's depressing really. Granted, it's hard to lose weight sitting all day and breastfeeding.

I gradually learnt to adapt though - I learnt to carry her and walk while breastfeeding, while keeping my posture straight - tightening the abs. Small but significant. And I specifically make time for exercise in the evenings - I make sure she gets a good meal beforehand, then hand her over to my helper while I toil on the elliptical trainer and free weights. Part of me feels a little guilty - I should be power pumping or something during this free time, but I choose to exercise. And I don't really care about the fitness thing - I know I'm pretty strong - I want to lose the weight so I can feel like my glorious skinny self again and fit into my old office wear. Yes, I choose to do something for myself and not my baby.

Well, it'll only be another 3 weeks until I have to go back to work, then the pumping begins, and my biggest worry - will I be able to express enough for her while I'm away - will be put to the test. I have a large stash of frozen breastmilk lined up, along with milk booster tea, spare hand pump, pump wipes, and nursing cover.

Plus a tin of formula just in case.

Wish me luck!