It's been more than six weeks since Emma came into our lives, and I am so dreading going back to work and leaving my little angel behind.
I have to say though, I started out never really agreeing with traditional Chinese confinement practices, and I know now I absolutely detest them. I'm sorry, I imagine practices like not bathing and washing one's hair (some traditionalists go so far as not allowing mothers wash their hands in tap water - only warm water), shunning ceiling fans (air conditioning is ok - go figure), imbibing copious amounts of alcohol, consuming loads of "heaty" ginger and sesame oil, drinking nothing but red dates tea, etc. maybe worked in ancient China where the air was dry the winters were cold, and wet nursing a legitimate business. But in the tropics, with over 90% humidity, and the fact that I delivered in the hottest, least rainy time of the year - this was a battle I was ready to fight. Seriously, some of these practices, like eating tons of ginger and drinking alcohol, could endanger newborns by worsening jaundice if a mother chooses to breastfeed (and 90% of Malaysian Chinese babies contract it).
Here's what I did/didn't do during my confinement:
1) I chose not engage a confinement lady. A long-practiced Chinese tradition, the CL is supposed to stay in one's home the month post-partum, and help look after the mother and newborn. Duties include preparing food that help with the mother's recovery, take care of the newborn (especially at night to let the mother get her rest), and maybe do a bit of light housework. My thought was, with our newly arrived helper and my mum staying with us the first month, I did not want another person in the house to deal with. I think it turned out to be a great decision, thanks to my feelings about confinement practices in general (see above, and below). On another note, it never dawned on me that the confinement month was meant for the mother to basically rest and let everyone else do stuff for you, including take care of and feed the baby at night. I took care of Emma myself at night, and in the day I changed her diapers, gave her sponge baths, even baked cookies. My mother-in-law was shocked when she came by and found me spooning cookie dough onto baking sheets one evening. Looking back, I'm glad I did all I did. I'm pretty confident I can take care of Emma myself, and I adapted easily when my mum left for Penang and AK returned to work.
2) Food. Such a big deal in Chinese confinement. We got confinement food catered from this confinement centre. It's amazing, the mummy-and-baby services and products you can get these days. There is a huge market for high-end baby/children's products and I have to say, whatever products I found recommended online in the US, UK, or Australian websites, etc. are not only all available in Malaysia, most of the Malaysian suppliers take online orders too! More on that later.
Back to the confinement food deliveries. All I can say is, thank the Lord I decided to only go for the one meal per day package. I hated the food - the sickly sweet soups chockful of dried longans, the vinegar pork (just not my thing, I really can't stand anything with vinegar - I understand many people love this dish), flabby salmon (to their credit, the fish was fresh. I just can't swallow cooked salmon). To be fair, I am probably not your typical Chinese gal, and most people would just suck it up and down the food. Many people even enjoy it. What I did NOT find at all acceptable was the fact that even though AK called and told them that I could not take ginger/sesame oil/traditional herbs like dong gui (angelica if I'm not mistaken), etc. because Emma had jaundice (in fact she has to remain in the hospital under UV therapy for 4 days after I delivered), they made no changes at all to the food preparations. Just as well, I pushed most of my food to poor AK and my mum, who ended up with ulcers because of the excessive amounts of ginger, sesame oil and whatnot. What did I eat? My mum's black bean and black chicken soup, pork ribs soup, roasted pork my mother in-law loved to buy, kampung chicken soup, stir-fried beef, omelettes, steamed eggs - all paired with brown rice from the confinement centre (that I could eat). For breakfast I ate oats with soy milk, and I added virgin coconut oil as I read a lot on its benefits for lactating mothers. In all truth, I was so sick of all the bland, healthy food that as the days wore on I ate less and less of my lunch and dinner, until at 3 plus weeks my mum caved and made chicken curry for me. Bliss.
3) I spent a grand total of 5 days without showering. These were the days I was cooped up in the hospital with Emma, where the air conditioning was cold and the bathroom just didn't feel conducive. As soon as we were discharged and I arrived home though, I headed straight for the shower. I did use the herbal mixture I purchased from Tanamera - got my helper to boil the herbs and added them to my bath water. A friend of ours also gifted me with a shower foam and shampoo set, traditionally made by a local Sabahan especially for post natal use. I ended up using the shower foam more than the herbs, purely because I was too impatient to get my herbs boiled, and the convenience of the ready made shower foam made it easy. I really really love the shampoo - left my hair glossy and better than it was during my pregnancy.
4) I signed up for 5 days of post-natal massages from Tanamera. I had heard good things about traditional Malay massage, hot stone treatment ("Tungku"), and abdominal wrapping ("bengkung") package. I would have loved every 2-hour session if I didn't hear poor Emma calling out for mummy every now and then :(. I did express milk beforehand for my mum and AK to syringe feed her, but she was pretty adamant she wanted her milk straight from the source. Other than that, the massages were such an indulgence. (Is it just me, or Isn't confinement like a one-month holiday - getting massages, the best of foods, etc. and you do nothing other than breastfeed haha :)). After each massage, my therapist would heat large river stones, wrap them with herbs and gently massage my abdomen. Then came the spice paste which was spread all over the ab area, and over that a corset-like wrap I was supposed to wear for as long as I could tolerate. I usually lasted around 5 hours, with the hot, spicy paste burning against my skin and the tightness of the corset. I don't know for sure if my uterus shrunk a little more, if any additional gas/"wind" was expelled, to tell the truth. But it felt good after and while I still have a thick layer of abdominal fat to get rid of, my gynae did tell me that my uterus shrank very fast.
5) I started going for walks with Emma around our neighborhood after the second week. I just felt that I needed to stretch my legs and get out of the house. In the evenings, if I wasn't too tired, I'd put Emma in her jogger, ignore my mum's protests and head to the neighborhood park. It was a sanity saver for me.
Well all I can say is that thank God it's all over. It's been a month since, and I still eat pretty healthy, thanks to my helper who cooks daily for me. And I still drink my red dates tea once a day, to help with milk production. But at least I do it because I want to.
My post-partum recovery was smooth and quick. I was on my feet and walking to the hospital's Starbucks cafe on my second day. I did have an episiotomy and experienced some pain in the first week. I was terrified of infection - I mean, even when clean the stitches hurt. And Googling some of other people's experiences made me even more fearful, so I was super diligent with my sitz washes and hygiene in general.
I have to say though, I started out never really agreeing with traditional Chinese confinement practices, and I know now I absolutely detest them. I'm sorry, I imagine practices like not bathing and washing one's hair (some traditionalists go so far as not allowing mothers wash their hands in tap water - only warm water), shunning ceiling fans (air conditioning is ok - go figure), imbibing copious amounts of alcohol, consuming loads of "heaty" ginger and sesame oil, drinking nothing but red dates tea, etc. maybe worked in ancient China where the air was dry the winters were cold, and wet nursing a legitimate business. But in the tropics, with over 90% humidity, and the fact that I delivered in the hottest, least rainy time of the year - this was a battle I was ready to fight. Seriously, some of these practices, like eating tons of ginger and drinking alcohol, could endanger newborns by worsening jaundice if a mother chooses to breastfeed (and 90% of Malaysian Chinese babies contract it).
Here's what I did/didn't do during my confinement:
1) I chose not engage a confinement lady. A long-practiced Chinese tradition, the CL is supposed to stay in one's home the month post-partum, and help look after the mother and newborn. Duties include preparing food that help with the mother's recovery, take care of the newborn (especially at night to let the mother get her rest), and maybe do a bit of light housework. My thought was, with our newly arrived helper and my mum staying with us the first month, I did not want another person in the house to deal with. I think it turned out to be a great decision, thanks to my feelings about confinement practices in general (see above, and below). On another note, it never dawned on me that the confinement month was meant for the mother to basically rest and let everyone else do stuff for you, including take care of and feed the baby at night. I took care of Emma myself at night, and in the day I changed her diapers, gave her sponge baths, even baked cookies. My mother-in-law was shocked when she came by and found me spooning cookie dough onto baking sheets one evening. Looking back, I'm glad I did all I did. I'm pretty confident I can take care of Emma myself, and I adapted easily when my mum left for Penang and AK returned to work.
2) Food. Such a big deal in Chinese confinement. We got confinement food catered from this confinement centre. It's amazing, the mummy-and-baby services and products you can get these days. There is a huge market for high-end baby/children's products and I have to say, whatever products I found recommended online in the US, UK, or Australian websites, etc. are not only all available in Malaysia, most of the Malaysian suppliers take online orders too! More on that later.
Back to the confinement food deliveries. All I can say is, thank the Lord I decided to only go for the one meal per day package. I hated the food - the sickly sweet soups chockful of dried longans, the vinegar pork (just not my thing, I really can't stand anything with vinegar - I understand many people love this dish), flabby salmon (to their credit, the fish was fresh. I just can't swallow cooked salmon). To be fair, I am probably not your typical Chinese gal, and most people would just suck it up and down the food. Many people even enjoy it. What I did NOT find at all acceptable was the fact that even though AK called and told them that I could not take ginger/sesame oil/traditional herbs like dong gui (angelica if I'm not mistaken), etc. because Emma had jaundice (in fact she has to remain in the hospital under UV therapy for 4 days after I delivered), they made no changes at all to the food preparations. Just as well, I pushed most of my food to poor AK and my mum, who ended up with ulcers because of the excessive amounts of ginger, sesame oil and whatnot. What did I eat? My mum's black bean and black chicken soup, pork ribs soup, roasted pork my mother in-law loved to buy, kampung chicken soup, stir-fried beef, omelettes, steamed eggs - all paired with brown rice from the confinement centre (that I could eat). For breakfast I ate oats with soy milk, and I added virgin coconut oil as I read a lot on its benefits for lactating mothers. In all truth, I was so sick of all the bland, healthy food that as the days wore on I ate less and less of my lunch and dinner, until at 3 plus weeks my mum caved and made chicken curry for me. Bliss.
3) I spent a grand total of 5 days without showering. These were the days I was cooped up in the hospital with Emma, where the air conditioning was cold and the bathroom just didn't feel conducive. As soon as we were discharged and I arrived home though, I headed straight for the shower. I did use the herbal mixture I purchased from Tanamera - got my helper to boil the herbs and added them to my bath water. A friend of ours also gifted me with a shower foam and shampoo set, traditionally made by a local Sabahan especially for post natal use. I ended up using the shower foam more than the herbs, purely because I was too impatient to get my herbs boiled, and the convenience of the ready made shower foam made it easy. I really really love the shampoo - left my hair glossy and better than it was during my pregnancy.
4) I signed up for 5 days of post-natal massages from Tanamera. I had heard good things about traditional Malay massage, hot stone treatment ("Tungku"), and abdominal wrapping ("bengkung") package. I would have loved every 2-hour session if I didn't hear poor Emma calling out for mummy every now and then :(. I did express milk beforehand for my mum and AK to syringe feed her, but she was pretty adamant she wanted her milk straight from the source. Other than that, the massages were such an indulgence. (Is it just me, or Isn't confinement like a one-month holiday - getting massages, the best of foods, etc. and you do nothing other than breastfeed haha :)). After each massage, my therapist would heat large river stones, wrap them with herbs and gently massage my abdomen. Then came the spice paste which was spread all over the ab area, and over that a corset-like wrap I was supposed to wear for as long as I could tolerate. I usually lasted around 5 hours, with the hot, spicy paste burning against my skin and the tightness of the corset. I don't know for sure if my uterus shrunk a little more, if any additional gas/"wind" was expelled, to tell the truth. But it felt good after and while I still have a thick layer of abdominal fat to get rid of, my gynae did tell me that my uterus shrank very fast.
5) I started going for walks with Emma around our neighborhood after the second week. I just felt that I needed to stretch my legs and get out of the house. In the evenings, if I wasn't too tired, I'd put Emma in her jogger, ignore my mum's protests and head to the neighborhood park. It was a sanity saver for me.
Well all I can say is that thank God it's all over. It's been a month since, and I still eat pretty healthy, thanks to my helper who cooks daily for me. And I still drink my red dates tea once a day, to help with milk production. But at least I do it because I want to.
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| Emma's first night home |
