Greetings

Emma has been really getting into the spirit of Christmas - pants or no pants.

And in the blink of an eye, it's December already. I have these posts in my head - scattered sentences that sound good, that need effort to string together. This post is a mishmash of all the stuff I’ve been dreaming about, actually doing, or have done.

Does it happen to you too? These days I start off a post, my mind wanders, and then I lose sight of what I wanted to say in the first place.

I've noticed shortness in my attention span that's surely becoming more and more acute. It almost definitely stems from my very undisciplined (read: far too much) use of my mobile devices (turns out, I’m hardly unique). Honestly, I love Facebook and Instagram too much to disconnect completely, but I do recognize that I need to change it up.

I am looking forward to a good 3 weeks off. And this time, I do NOT have a looming intense workshop to trouble me when I return. Instead I have a feisty, attention seeking 10 month old.

So, in the spirit of more than just unplugging, but to create rather than consume, below is a list of things I plan to do during my time off:

1) Prep my homemade Christmas gifts. Salted caramel, chocolate crackle cookies, roasted nuts, vanilla pound cake are some of the things on my to-make list this year.

2) Tend to my garden. I want to pay a visit to some nurseries. No major purchases except soil and what I need to replace my dead herbs, repot with new soil. We also just got our contractor to build raised beds behind our house, and I intend to plant low-maintenance Pandan and lemongrass there.

3) Catch up on reading. I want to finish All The Light We Cannot See (on the list of NY Times’ Best Books of 2014, for goodness sake).

4) Finish watching this. Lately I've been a bit obsessed with alternate history novels. I’ve gone through phases of Spain (as in the country); South American history specifically on the war on drugs and American interference; Slavery/Women’s rights; Medieval England (OK, just the Matthew Shardlake books really); Living, eating and cooking in Paris/France (Julia Child's My Life in France has out to be one of my absolute favorite books. I loaned it to Francophile friend and we’re planning our imaginary French countryside roadtrip; French parenting, and ugh, grisly true crime.

With alternate history, it started with CJ Sansom’s Dominion (which stemmed off the Shardlake series), followed quickly by Robert Harris’ Fatherland. I have to say, I have yet to find a book that really satisfies with a story. Loved the dark, gloomy setting and the atmosphere of fear and oppression that Sansom conjured (just as good as his Medieval England settings in his Shardlake series), but the story was nowhere as good. Fatherland was disappointing to me – I hate books with half-cooked endings. I want to know exactly what happened! I want you to tell me, author! 

The Man in The High Castle, which is based on the book of the same name, has been gripping from the get go. In fact I’m seriously torn with wanting to read the book (and end up not enjoying the series as much), or just watch the series and not knowing what comes next (FYI, I read Game of Thrones when I was still in university, and knew about the Red Wedding/The Mountain slaying Oberyn Martell in the duel years ago. And the HBO series still doesn’t live up to my imagination).

5) Get fitter. I haven't worked out for (I think) 3 months, and while the weight gain has been minimal, I hate the way my body feels, the lethargy and stiffness that I didn't have with regular exercise. Take walks (with Emma), swim (take Emma for swim lessons), and (if I'm being ambitious) go for a yoga class or two.

A few other notes:

- One of my favorite columnists writes an unique gift guidecolumn. Instead of the usual tie/sweater/scented candle, he gives recommendations on charities/causes to give to, a chance to make a difference in this world. In this world of corruption and scams, one of my general concerns when it comes to charity is of course whether my money will be put to good use. With the credibility of his work and the NY Times behind him, Mr. Kristof’s list is probably what you want to refer to if you seek to do more than a little good this festive season. I will be donating to TrickleUp. The downside to this is that you have to donate in US dollars – but even 20 dollars goes a long way here.

- In light of this miserable state of our economy (and country as a whole, really), I’ve scaled back on the purchases this year. Usually I’d be going crazy at Zara (I love their Fall/Winter collections), ordering presents for my brothers and cousins online, falling for all the prettily packaged cookies/chocolates at Jaya Grocer. None of that this year. The only goodies I bought was a tartan skirt (been wanting to recreate this look for a long time) and a pair of Silpat non-stick baking sheets for baking cookies (from Amazon – super fast delivery and still cheaper than local retail. Highly recommended). With Emma around, I guess I also want to make sure we focus on experiences. I play calming, jazzy Christmas carols near bedtime, put up decorations around the house, and even messed around with local “pine” tree branches and leaves in an attempt to create something handmade. Boo and Emma got super excited and decided to hijack the effort, but of course. Really, it is little moments like these I need to cherish.

An attempt at frugal Christmas decorating, with 2 rather unhelpful elves

- We’re still throwing our annual Christmas party with colleagues this year though, and I’ve finally decided to take the plunge and roast my own turkey, which is half the price of buying a ready-made one. I made AK drive me to 3 grocery stores to see what was available (local organic – looked a bit skinny/wiry to me; American Halal – “preserved” in some kind of broth-salt mixture so not suited for the dry brine I intend to do; and the generic American one that comes in sizes ranging from 5 to 7+ kilos). I settled on a good ol’ generic American one that came in at 5.5 kilos. She’s thawing in the fridge as I type. I did a trial run with chicken, and intend to scale up the recipe for the turkey. It was really good with this (in my brother’s words when I sent my family photos of it) malnourished looking organic chicken, so I have high hopes.

Frugal turkey trial run: Test roasting a chicken

Dry-Brined Roast Chicken

Ingredients

1 organic chicken, around 1.5 kg

A few sprigs of rosemary (4 – 5)

A small bunch of thyme (around 8 stalks)

Sea Salt (I used pink Himalayan)

A few slices of butter (cut from a stick)

What I served with:

4 potatoes, cut into chunks (around 4 per potato)

1 large onion, quartered

A few garlic cloves, unpeeled

The day before you want to roast the chicken, rinse the chicken with hot water and pat it dry. Rub a few tablespoons of salt into the skin of the chicken – really get onto every surface you can, erm, reach. Leave the chicken overnight in the fridge (uncovered, this really important) to dry out.

Take the chicken out of the fridge a good hour before you start roasting. Pull the leaves off the rosemary stalks, leaving a few to stuff into the bird. Same with the thyme. With your fingers, gently lift the skin of the chicken off the breast, taking care not to tear the skin. Insert the rosemary and thyme leaves and slices of butter, using your fingers to push the herbs and butter further “in”. Place chicken on the bed you’ve made of it out of onions, garlic and and potatoes in the roasting tin.

Preheat oven to 220 deg C.

Place roasting tin in the oven, close the door, then turn the temperature down to 180 deg C. Roast for about 45 minutes to an hour. After 45 minutes, test for doneness – juices should run clear or temperature of the chicken at the thighs should be above 80 deg C.

Let the chicken rest, around 20 minutes before serving (tearing into it) with the roasted root veg, which should be nice and sticky and caramelized. 

And the journey continues

I believe I've settled into something of a routine.

A typical day for me would look like this:

5.30 - 6 am: Wake up, engorged and (sometimes) leaking. Express milk. Yield is usually 7-8 oz. On my worst days (e.g. when I'm sick - this happened twice), I get 5 oz from both breasts. On the best days, almost 9 oz. No matter how much durian/oats/dates I consume, maximum yield is 9 oz.

6 am - 6.30 am: Go back to sleep. In my ideal world I would be exercising/at least be doing some sun salutations. Like I said, in my ideal world.

6.30 - 7.00 am: Get myself washed up and ready for work.

7.00 - 7.30 am: Wake Emma up to nurse. This is so she can drain my breasts, relieving me of the need to pump until at least 11 am. Also, she then stays full until later in the morning, relieving her caregivers of the need to prep her milk so early. This gives time for my maid to get the bulk of her chores done for the day. I also like to think she's getting my hind milk, i.e. the thick, fatty milk that keeps her full (and fat :)) She usually falls right back to sleep after she nurses. Sometimes, she stays awake and is quite content to play by herself until she falls asleep.

7.30 - 7.40 am: Make coffee to go, and blend my smoothie (prepped the night before - more on that below).

7.40 - 8.00 am: Commute to work.

8.00 am - 4.45 pm: Work. I usually pump at least once in our Company's handsome Mother's Room. If my day gets too busy I pump during my lunch hour and during the drive home (with AK driving of course - I haven't mastered the art of driving and pumping. Update: I tried pumping while driving once - epic fail. Not only was I too tense to release any milk, and this is despite being engorged, it was such a messy affair. I ended up with more milk on my clothes than in the bottle ).

4.45 - 5.20 pm: Commute home. Once I get home, depending on her appetite, Emma usually wants to nurse immediately. If I'm lucky she's asleep and I get to either exercise on my elliptical trainer or do a bit of gardening. If I'm too exhausted I usually take Emma up to our room, and she nurses until we both fall asleep. Sometimes if my yield at work is inadequate, I tandem pump and nurse.

My setup at my workplace's fabulous Mothers' Room. This is when I was still using the Freestyle.
 

Evenings are usually a haze of nursing while watching TV,reading, and/or social networking and playing with Emma. When my mum was here we'd sometimes carry her and go for walks around the neighbourhood.

After dinner I'm usually busy packing up my pump stuff (washed and dried by our maid, thankfully) and prepping my soaked oats for breakfast the next day.

9 pm is when we take Emma up to the room to settle into bedtime. We'd either read to her or Daddy would tell her stories. Daddy puts a fresh diaper on her and mummy gives her face and hands a nice rub down, and we both put her in her sleeping bag. She would want to nurse until she falls asleep, usually around 11 pm. I usually follow suit, falling asleep after her daddy unlatches her from me and carries her over to her crib.

Here are some things I do to make life as a working, pumping mum a lot easier:

1) I own two sets of pumps.
It wasn't my intention to buy two, really. The first pump I bought was a Medela Freestyle, which I used only once or twice a day when I was still on leave. While its suction is hardly the best (more on that later), what I really love about it is that this is truly hands-free pump. The pump and its connecting kit is designed to be hands-free. Once you attach it to your nursing bra, there's no worry that anything's going to fall off. The parts also feel solid and seemingly constructed from high quality plastic. BUT the problem with the Freestyle is, well, the pump itself. As I was into my second week back at work my yield started getting less and less. I had to resort to all kinds of self-psyching to try to simulate second letdowns. And I knew, I had to change something soon. So I did a bit more research online, and decided to give Spectra a try. After testing out the M1 and the S9 at pumponthego, I decided to go with the M1. Slightly less high tech (no time indicator), but I felt had a beter "pull" from the breasts, vs. the S9 which felt like the FS, tugging at the nipples only. In order to use the bottles I already had, I also had to purchase the bottle adaptors. The problem with the Spectra is that I can't use it hands-free. Luckily I also purchased a hands-free bra thingy (essentially a tube with holes cut out for the pumps, with some additional supporting fabric). I now use the FS at home, so I am free to move around and am less prone to grogginess-induced spills in the morning. I take the M1 to work, where I have to sit down anyway. I soon learned that the M1 has MUCH stronger suction than what I'm used to with the FS, and I've only been using the massage mode at the highest level, as its suction mode at even the lowest level is painful for me.But even at the massage mode, it packs a powerful punch. Now that I've found my happy groove with my pumping system, I am pretty proud to say that I am an overproducing mum. Not by a lot, but enough to freeze around 20 oz of milk a week.

Best ever yield at work - thanks to the Spectra M1, I believe

2) "Pre-programming"
Let me explain myself here. Once Emma started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, I started waking up at wee hours in the morning engorged. Instead of sleeping it off and just letting Emma latch when she woke up, I pumped. I'd prep my pump kit the night before, assembling everything so that when I woke up, all I had to do was strap on and pump away (this is where the Medela Freestyle and its hands free kit comes in). So even though I was only getting 5-6 hours of sleep at a stretch, I persevered. After pumping and relieving the engorgement, I'd let Emma latch (when she awoke). I'd then let her latch the rest of the day, sometimes pumping and nursing in tandem (though not consistently). I believe the early morning pump is the single most important habit I adopted. I was making my body used to producing more milk at night, and building up a nice inventory at the same time. Now, even when I dont have so much time to pump at work, I know it can't get too bad, with the morning's usual 8-9 oz of freshly expressed milk already in the fridge and the stash of frozen milk in the deep freeze. That way, I don't have to pressure myself about my yield at work, which translates into a more relaxed me, which results in more milk anyway! It could have been a vicious cycle for me(stress-pump less-stress more-pump even less), but thankfully it hasn't been.

Freezer stash. Two drawers filled with nothing but packs of frozen expressed breastmilk for peace of mind

 

3) Morning smoothies
OK, I don't know how much this has contributed, but I do it anyway. Every weekday morning, I drink my milk-booster smoothie. It's a combination of a bunch of really healthy stuff - 1/4 cup of rolled oats, 1 cup sugar free soy milk, a tablespoon or two of coconut oil, two teaspoons ground flaxseeds and a medium banana. This is how I do it. Every week or so I buy a big bunch of bananas, slice them, throw them into a ziploc bag and stash in the freezer. Every night, I mix up a jar of  the rest of the ingredients and leave them to soak in a jar in the fridge overnight. In the morning I just throw in a few slices of frozen banana along with the soaked mixture and whiz away. Lately, in lieau of the upcoming fasting month and all, there's been an abundance of dates in the local grocery stores, so I've been throwing them in as well (removing the seeds before of course). I usually sip on the smoothie on the way to work. Like I said, I don't know if it's really boosting my milk supply, but coconut oil and flaxseeds especially are so good for both mums and babies that I use them anyway.

So that's how I've been doing it so far. I really hope to be able to keep this up until Emma turns one. We'll see.

On the B-word

2-month-old milk monster

I have a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. I knew I would breastfeed, or at least try to. What I didn't do was read/research enough about the topic before delivery. 

My hospital

I was lucky enough to "choose" Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur. How I came to this hospital - through my gynae, whom I landed on merely because her clinic is 5 minutes' drive from our house. She's affiliated with Pantai. It was a toss-up initially between the more luxurious hotel hospital in KL that was located in the heart of downtown KL and this one a 20 minute drive away. I was too lazy to make the long monthly/biweekly drive for my checkups, so Pantai it was. Turns out it is a hospital  truly genuine about encouraging breastfeeding. We attended their prenatal classes, where they strongly advocated/encouraged it and had specific sessions on latching, positioning, diet, etc. In fact I felt they were a little too enthusiastic, almost bordering on forceful. 

After my delivery and Emma had to extend her stay due to jaundice for phototherapy, my stay was automatically extended just to breastfeed her. The nurses wheeled her into my room every 2-3 hours for me to breastfeed, day and night, and helped me with my latching. I had visits from the hospital's lactation consultants and one of them, Sister Uma Devi, even identified Emma's tongue-tie problem on the 3rd day. After Googling it we made the quick decision to get the tongue tie removed (it's a 2-second snip by a surgeon) and that made a WORLD of difference in the latch. She even made us come back a week after we were discharged to check on how we were improving. I will be forever grateful to her. I'd recommend this hospital in a heartbeat, though I read good things about the other hospital too.

Of course it's good for us

I won't go into detail on the benefits of breast milk vs formula (everyone's enthusing about the latest study on longer term benefits) - there's plenty of literature out there. I agree with almost everything this excellent blog post says about the other benefits, except for two - the weight loss and saving money parts (I'll get to those in a while). 

The biggest plus for me, the reason why I kinda love breastfeeding, well, I'll just show you:-

Post feeding bliss :)

Pumping and all that jazz

When I said no need to sterilize/wash bottles, I didn't mean no washing at all. I started pumping to build up supply for when I return to work, and those pump parts and bottles need to be washed and cleaned. I'll admit that part of the reason I pump less than I should is the laziness to handle the pump parts. Then there's the much-despised midnight (or early morning, for me) pumping. The ironic thing is that my baby has learnt to sleep through the night (falls asleep at around 12 to 1 am and wakes at around 6 - 6.30 am), my breasts have yet to learn to do the same. I have to set my alarm to 5 am to pump my engorged breasts (if I'm too tired the girls will helpfully leak some milk - nothing like a cold wet night shirt if the alarm snooze button doesn't work). 

I have to say though - I'm getting into the pumping groove. I've pumped in the car after we went to watch  Russel Peters perform live one and a half months post partum, and in a washroom in Gardens Mid Valley (my tip: carry rubbing alcohol in the pump bag in case you can't find/occupy a nursing room).

Contrary to what everyone says, it ain't cheap

And speaking of pumping, unless you're a full time stay at home mum who has the time (and the sanity) to directly latch all the time, I'm starting to feel that this claim that breastfeeding saves money (vs. buying formula) is a sham. Did I mention how much the top-of-the-line portable electric double breast pump costs? I need to breastfeed for 20 weeks before I recover the cost of the pump. Then there's the cost of the breastfeeding pillow (I found this extremely useful in the early weeks), additional bottles and storage bags, nursing bras, breast pads, nursing cover, the hand pump I intend to purchase as a spare in case my electric one lets me down....you get the gist. 

The downsides

My biggest beef with breastfeeding. While I love the bond it creates between my baby and I, that I am her sole source of nutrition, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it, well - suffocating, at times. There, I said it. Somehow I imagined I could cook and bake more, and go shopping during these 3 months of maternity leave - hah. Emma happens to be a consummate snacker (I suppose she takes after me), and loves to take smaller meals at short intervals (every hour/hour and a half sometimes vs. the norm of 2-3 hours). We try to time outings after her feedings, but then again, I've fed her in the car (it's become a norm for us), in friends's houses, in my gynae clinic, in One Utama and Publika. I admit, I sometimes resent being forced to sit down and do nothing else. Which leads me to the weight loss part - I am (sadly) not one of those mums who dropped the pregnancy weight breastfeeding and eating all I want (another claim I am skeptical about now). Maybe it's the lack of sleep, every day all I want to eat are chocolate, cookies and cake. Not helping the situation. I put on 14 kilos in total, and shed 8 of them in the delivery. Today after 10 weeks I have shed only an additional 2 - 3 kilos. And the flab - well, it's depressing really. Granted, it's hard to lose weight sitting all day and breastfeeding.

I gradually learnt to adapt though - I learnt to carry her and walk while breastfeeding, while keeping my posture straight - tightening the abs. Small but significant. And I specifically make time for exercise in the evenings - I make sure she gets a good meal beforehand, then hand her over to my helper while I toil on the elliptical trainer and free weights. Part of me feels a little guilty - I should be power pumping or something during this free time, but I choose to exercise. And I don't really care about the fitness thing - I know I'm pretty strong - I want to lose the weight so I can feel like my glorious skinny self again and fit into my old office wear. Yes, I choose to do something for myself and not my baby.

Well, it'll only be another 3 weeks until I have to go back to work, then the pumping begins, and my biggest worry - will I be able to express enough for her while I'm away - will be put to the test. I have a large stash of frozen breastmilk lined up, along with milk booster tea, spare hand pump, pump wipes, and nursing cover.

Plus a tin of formula just in case.

Wish me luck!

My so-called confinement

It's been more than six weeks since Emma came into our lives, and I am so dreading going back to work and leaving my little angel behind.

My post-partum recovery was smooth and quick. I was on my feet and walking to the hospital's Starbucks cafe on my second day. I did have an episiotomy and experienced some pain in the first week. I was terrified of infection - I mean, even when clean the stitches hurt. And Googling some of other people's experiences made me even more fearful, so I was super diligent with my sitz washes and hygiene in general. 

I have to say though, I started out never really agreeing with traditional Chinese confinement practices, and I know now I absolutely detest them. I'm sorry, I imagine practices like not bathing and washing one's hair (some traditionalists go so far as not allowing mothers wash their hands in tap water - only warm water), shunning ceiling fans (air conditioning is ok - go figure), imbibing copious amounts of alcohol, consuming loads of "heaty" ginger and sesame oil, drinking nothing but red dates tea, etc. maybe worked in ancient China where the air was dry the winters were cold, and wet nursing a legitimate business. But in the tropics, with over 90% humidity, and the fact that I delivered in the hottest, least rainy time of the year - this was a battle I was ready to fight. Seriously, some of these practices, like eating tons of ginger and drinking alcohol, could endanger newborns by worsening jaundice if a mother chooses to breastfeed (and 90% of Malaysian Chinese babies contract it).

Here's what I did/didn't do during my confinement:

1) I chose not engage a confinement lady. A long-practiced Chinese tradition, the CL is supposed to stay in one's home the month post-partum, and help look after the mother and newborn. Duties include preparing food  that help with the mother's recovery, take care of the newborn (especially at night to let the mother get her rest), and maybe do a bit of light housework. My thought was, with our newly arrived helper and my mum staying with us the first month, I did not want another person in the house to deal with. I think it turned out to be a great decision, thanks to my feelings about confinement practices in general (see above, and below). On another note, it never dawned on me that the confinement month was meant for the mother to basically rest and let everyone else do stuff for you, including take care of and feed the baby at night. I took care of Emma myself at night, and in the day I changed her diapers, gave her sponge baths, even baked cookies. My mother-in-law was shocked when she came by and found me spooning cookie dough onto baking sheets one evening. Looking back, I'm glad I did all I did. I'm pretty confident I can take care of Emma myself, and I adapted easily when my mum left for Penang and AK returned to work.

2) Food. Such a big deal in Chinese confinement. We got confinement food catered from this confinement centre. It's amazing, the mummy-and-baby services and products you can get these days. There is a huge market for high-end baby/children's products and I have to say, whatever products I found recommended online in the US, UK, or Australian websites, etc. are not only all available in Malaysia, most of the Malaysian suppliers take online orders too! More on that later.

Back to the confinement food deliveries. All I can say is, thank the Lord I decided to only go for the one meal per day package.  I hated the food - the sickly sweet soups chockful of dried longans, the vinegar pork (just not my thing, I really can't stand anything with vinegar - I understand many people love this dish), flabby salmon (to their credit, the fish was fresh. I just can't swallow cooked salmon). To be fair, I am probably not your typical Chinese gal, and most people would just suck it up and down the food. Many people even enjoy it. What I did NOT find at all acceptable was the fact that even though AK called and told them that I could not take ginger/sesame oil/traditional herbs like dong gui (angelica if I'm not mistaken), etc. because Emma had jaundice (in fact she has to remain in the hospital under UV therapy for 4 days after I delivered), they made no changes at all to the food preparations. Just as well, I pushed most of my food to poor AK and my mum, who ended up with ulcers because of the excessive amounts of ginger, sesame oil and whatnot. What did I eat? My mum's black bean and black chicken soup, pork ribs soup, roasted pork my mother in-law loved to buy, kampung chicken soup, stir-fried beef, omelettes, steamed eggs - all paired with brown rice from the confinement centre (that I could eat). For breakfast I ate oats with soy milk, and I added virgin coconut oil as I read a lot on its benefits for lactating mothers. In all truth, I was so sick of all the bland, healthy food that as the days wore on I ate less and less of my lunch and dinner, until at 3 plus weeks my mum caved and made chicken curry for me. Bliss.

3) I spent a grand total of 5 days without showering. These were the days I was cooped up in the hospital with Emma, where the air conditioning was cold and the bathroom just didn't feel conducive. As soon as we were discharged and I arrived home though, I headed straight for the shower. I did use the herbal mixture I purchased from Tanamera - got my helper to boil the herbs and added them to my bath water. A friend of ours also gifted me with a shower foam and shampoo set, traditionally made by a local Sabahan especially for post natal use. I ended up using the shower foam more than the herbs, purely because I was too impatient to get my herbs boiled, and the convenience of the ready made shower foam made it easy. I really really love the shampoo - left my hair glossy and better than it was during my pregnancy.

4) I signed up for 5 days of post-natal massages from Tanamera. I had heard good things about traditional Malay massage, hot stone treatment ("Tungku"), and abdominal wrapping ("bengkung") package. I would have loved every 2-hour session if I didn't hear poor Emma calling out for mummy every now and then :(. I did express milk beforehand for my mum and AK to syringe feed her, but she was pretty adamant she wanted her milk straight from the source. Other than that, the massages were such an indulgence. (Is it just me, or Isn't confinement like a one-month holiday - getting massages, the best of foods, etc. and you do nothing other than breastfeed haha :)). After each massage, my therapist would heat large river stones, wrap them with herbs and gently massage my abdomen. Then came the spice paste which was spread all over the ab area, and over that a corset-like wrap I was supposed to wear for as long as I could tolerate. I usually lasted around 5 hours, with the hot, spicy paste burning against my skin and the tightness of the corset. I don't know for sure if my uterus shrunk a little more, if any additional gas/"wind" was expelled, to tell the truth. But it felt good after and while I still have a thick layer of abdominal fat to get rid of, my gynae did tell me that my uterus shrank very fast.

5) I started going for walks with Emma around our neighborhood after the second week. I just felt that I needed to stretch my legs and get out of the house. In the evenings, if I wasn't too tired, I'd put Emma in her jogger, ignore my mum's protests and head to the neighborhood park. It was a sanity saver for me.

Well all I can say is that thank God it's all over. It's been a month since, and I still eat pretty healthy, thanks to my helper who cooks daily for me. And I still drink my red dates tea once a day, to help with milk production. But at least I do it because I want to.

Emma's first night home

Week 34, and Chocolate Pudding for Me

Week 34, people!

I know, I've been lucky compared to most women. I didn't experience morning sickness, I've been pretty much fit and healthy thoughout. I travelled, I worked out as much as I could find the time to (though not as much as I wanted to) - generally life was normal.

So can I whine a little here then?

I just got over a massive case of the flu - and over my 2-week leave period, much to my dismay.

Seriously, why??? I had so many plans, a list of things I wanted to do over the week after Christmas - take advantage of the end of the year sales, check out all the eating places that are 1) extremely popular and usually too crowded on weekends, and 2) those that I really wanted to try out but obligations didn’t allow. We also were supposed to shop for the rest of the baby stuff. I wanted to spring-clean and re-organize my wardrobe. Instead we spent much of the week in bed, alternating between dozing, wheezing and feeling sorry for ourselves.

Quality sleep has been a little hard coming these days. My belly tends to jut out straight and long vs. sideways (people standing behind me can't tell I'm pregnant, even at almost 8 months), and sleeping on my back is a no-no, so my stomach muscles are having a really hard time supporting my tummy when I sleep on my side. I've been waking up several times a night with really bad abdominal pain.

And let's not get me started on really weird and traumatizing dreams. I dreamt I hurt Boo (badly), of really horrible things happening to AK, of me not being able to handle the delivery..geez, what else does my subconscious have in store for me???

Add the blocked nose/super painful sore throat and periodic hot flashes throughout the night, and well, let’s just say it hasn’t been an easy few weeks.

Work has not let up either - there was this big review on the project I'm working on, and if I wasn't stressing about lack of sleep and being sick it was this.

 

Well, today's the last day of that review, and after all that travelling in November and December, working late and through my leave (yes, even while sick), it's almost done. I actually slept through most of the night yesterday – so am thinking that the weird combination of stress and my hormones produced the bout of nightmares. Well, let’s hope that’s the end of it.

So. I can finally really enjoy my weekends and - for goodness' sake - get back to the day to day stuff. Oh – and very importantly, prep my team for my upcoming absence.

I just wish I could take a few more days off, you know? - With the sickness and the knowledge of having to return to work, to the review, it wasn't exactly the break I envisioned. Sigh.

But the fact is that with handovers a-waiting and trying to get stuff closed (or cleaned up) before I leave for 3 months, taking another long period of absence before my maternity leave is kinda unthinkable right now. On the bright side, I will be working fewer hours and at my own pace.

So, welcome 2015. We didn’t start off on the right foot, but am sure things are looking up from herewith.

Oh, and what’s New Year’s without a list of things I want to be/achieve/do/start?

Below, not resolutions at all. I mean, sure, I want my team to perform better than what we did last year, I want to spend more time developing some people and showcasing others, I want to live in the moment, lose all the baby weight (and more), continue doing yoga - you get the picture. 

But there’s also this list – a bunch of really frivolous stuff I want to just because I’ll be happy doing them:

1) Make calcium-fortified chocolate pudding for snacking. I want to eat chocolate all the time. Might as well get some (more) nutrition in. This recipe is so easy, so quick, fulfills my calcium needs and my chocolate cravings. It's not the most luxurious or sophisticated of puddings, I'll admit - but it does fill the need.

 2) Finally get down to reading CJ Sansom's new book, Heartstone. I've written about Dissolution and Dark Fire before. CJ Sansom is one of my all time favourite authors and I am so thrilled that he wrote another 2 books after Revelation. I can’t think of any activity more pleasurable than spending quiet weekend afternoons immersed in Tudor mystery.

3) Take morning/evening walks. When I wasn’t sick I was saving my energy for work. I really need to move more before baby E arrives.

4) Make bakua at home, inspired by this and this. AK loves the stuff, but I don't let him buy as much as he would like to for fear of preservatives, colouring and fat. With Chinese New Year a peep away, what better time to attempt this?

Recipe: Super-easy Low-Fat High-Calcium Chocolate Pudding

1 litre skim or low/non-fat calcium-fortified milk
2/3 cup plus 3 tbsp sugar (I used natural brown sugar)
3/4 cup Dutch-Processed cocoa
5 tbsp cornstarch
2 oz dark chocolate, broken into pieces

Separate one cup of milk in a jug/bowl. Prepare a heatproof container for storing the pudding, and a piece of microwaveable wrap/parchment paper big enough to cover the contents of the container.

Meanwhile, sift the cocoa into a thick-bottomed saucepan large enough to hold all the milk. Add the sugar. Pour the remaining milk into the saucepan and slowly bring to the boil, whisking all the time to combine everything.

When the mixture starts bubbling slightly, add the cornstarch to the reserved jug of milk, whisking vigorously to remove lumps and pour the mixture into the milk-cocoa mixture. Toss in the dark chocolate chunks.

Continue whisking the mixture over medium heat until the mixture thickens into a custard-like texture. Off the heat, immediately transfer the mix into the container. Press the piece of wrap/parchment onto the mixture onto the top of the pudding mix - this prevents the forming of a skin. Let it cool, then transfer to the fridge.

Serve cold, with sliced bananas, or whipped cream, chopped/sliced almonds - whatever takes your fancy.

 

 



Super-easy low-fat high-calcium chocolate pudding in the making