Self Care

I've been a lot more conscious of taking better care of myself. It's all about balance.

I was too insecure, too self doubting to actually take better care of myself. Stupidly, I used to believe that people would not take me seriously if I indulged in a little self pampering - that face masks and massages are for dizzy, rich ladies with nothing better to do.

But now, older, wiser, I realize that I can have my cake and eat it too.

So here's my list of things I do, that I regard as self-care, that I have not been doing since I started working, actually:-

1) Curl up on the couch/bed with a Jodi Picoult novel and a cup of steaming green tea
2) Applying my L'occitane Shea Butter Lotion all over my legs and arms before bed
3) Yoga - I've restarted my daily sun salutations that was my daily staple at university. And it is 6 years overdue - really, what took me so long?
4) Eating high quality chocolates
5) Eating a good breakfast - oats, with milk and sugar and cinnamon.
6) Getting AK to help me clean the house

More additions to the list, I promise.

Missing BooBoo

When we got back after two weeks in JB, it took us two days fo trawling back lanes and driving around before we finally found him sleeping like a vagabond in one of the uninhabited houses opposite ours.

AK gave him his bath - twice! to get rid of all traces of the alleyways.

And here he is claiming his spot on the bed, and on AK's foot:

Sigh. Only one weekend, we're already here in JB, and BooBoo is once again left in the care of our wonderful neighbour.

We miss him already.

Sexy Shirt Dress

I don't know what's up with me and white cotton dresses.

Here's another one to put on a wish list. By Twenty8Twelve, that Sienna Miller and Sis company (her name's Savannah)

There's a masculinity about it that I like...you know, the morning after-white shirt that doesn't actually belong to you?

On Fullfillment, Living a Full Life

Lately I've been having thoughts.

I recognize the patterns - the brood moods, the quiet asking of "What if I jumped...."

That feeling of a heart so empty, yet manages to feel so heavy.

The thoughts that wander into spaces never been.

Lately, I have been unable to find happiness in anything.

I buy stuff and eat to make it go away. It does, but only for a little while.

I MUST DO SOMETHING, before I drown.

Before it's too late and time slips by and the choices disappear.

It is NOT about making the best of what you have sometimes, it is about making tough choices, of breaking free so we can live our BEST lives. To put one's foot down and declare that I will NOT take this anymore. It is OVER, it is DONE, I have tried, believe you me, I have tried to make the best of it. But the best is just not good enough.

It is time to rediscover myself, what and whom I truly am and stand for, instead of compromising. Because it is, pointedly, now or never.

Dear God, give me strength, to do the necessary.

Monday and I'm Wondering

EPA-T-EG-SAT‎‎ [08:12]: next time don't ask for my favour u are so rude and so impatient‎‎

EPA-PM-SKF23‎‎ [08:15]: why r u so angry? i stand behind u and wait for u to type ur mail, while waiting i read it la‎‎

EPA-T-EG-SAT‎‎ [08:16]: your expression look so impatient dun lie u are impatient

‎‎EPA-T-EG-SAT‎‎ [08:19]: see now u are rude

EPA-PM-SKF23‎‎ [08:19]: why rude?‎‎

EPA-T-EG-SAT‎‎ [08:19]: ignoring is the worst thing i told i HATE the most



So much for promises to be more patient.

Is it really too much invested to just up and leave?

Things I Am Into Right Now

Deborah Loves

1) L'occitane Hand Cream - I use this all over my body. It's rich without being sticky, and has been my best friend ever since Malaysian Airlines gave me a sample on their long-haul Business Class flight to Amsterdam. I just bought the giant tube (RM90, a bit ridiculous since my face cream costs RM37) and slather it on whenever I am sleeping with the airconditioning.

2) My cheapo iPod Shuffle - I have an iPod Touch, and I absolutely hate using it. It's too big, too delicate and too expensive to strap on for a pound on the treadmill - really, then what's the point? And I don't have enough music to fill a Nano, which is pretty neat too. Also, with me, cheaper is better. My latest Shuffle is my 3rd MP3 player, I drowned the first two in the washing machine (1 offshore and 1 at home). My exercise routine is a mess without it.

3) My pashminas. They're so elegant, transportable, and they keep me warmer than my sweater. I use my favourite white one as blanket on the plane ride, to shield my latest purchases from peeping eyes, and of course to wrap around me as a shawl. It goes with my long flowy spagetthi strap evening dress, my work outfit and lately even my coveralls in the yard (Ok the last one looks plain weird, but I don't care)

4) Oil of Olay Intensive White Radiance Moisturizer. This is cheap enough to put on my arms and legs, along with my neck and face. My complexion has gotten slightly fairer after using this.
Again, really suitable for our humid climate.

5) Lancome Flextencils Mascara - no smudges, waterproof. My cousin got me this for XMas last year and now I can't live without it

6) My watch my father gave me - I love men's watches, the contrast of a big, bold metal face with all those masculine dials and knobs agains my bony wrist.

7) I recently restarted my morning Sun Salutations and I feel a lot less stiff in the mornings in the office. Hope this lasts (my discipline and its effects). There is always a "plan" to do more, but we'll see.

8) Jodi Picoult - OK, I am a wimp, a softhearted, spineless wimp. Her books make me pause, think, sob a little (damn that Change of Heart) and explore humanity in so many facets. Ok, except the Tenth Circle, which was rather far stretched and pointless.

9) Nescafe, my life's blood. My day turns to a painfully throbbing, cloudy haze without it.

10) Chocolate, now and forever. But you probably already know that.

TWILIGHT SUCKS, and other books

Yes it does. Maybe it's because I'm no hormonic teenager anymore.

The writing is grating - mindless chatter of giggly, dizzy teenagers, a sigh here, a glare there, I glared, he growled, blah blah blah. So cliched it makes me wonder, if teenagers of today are all a-ga-ga over this kind of writing, what does that say about the level appreciation of the written word today? Sorry, but when I was an adolescent we were debating Walkabout, sighing at the beauty of The Lord of the Rings. Twilight's "anger flashed in his eyes" schmooze cannot hold a candle to those works.

And it is hardly erotic, mind you. Sighing teenagers, I don't want to be far from you, frolicking in a meadow (how original is that????).

Twilight mania is seriously over-hyped. And I am seriously disappointed (not to mentioned worried)

On the other hand, Jodi Picoult's Change of Hearts is a great read. Told from several perspectives - the mother who lost her husband and daughter to a mentally unstable killer, the priest who questions the meaning of God and his faith, the gay, AIDS-ridden, lifee in the State Prison, the passionate, smart pro bono lawyer who is insecure about her weight and hair. The story is told through their eyes and ears and hearts, and it is a wonderful, sad, touching story. I actually cried at the end and it did make me question my beliefs slightly. Especially the final verdict speech delivered by the judge - it resonated with me somewhat and I found myself in agreement with him every time I read it.

So, in conclusion - Twilight - bleargh, don't bother. Change of Hearts - highly recommended.