On careers and choices

Call me old-fashioned, but I have never been much of a feminist.
See, I don't believe in things like "levelling the playing field", "diversity and inclusion", crap like that. I believe that either you stack up or you don't, regardless of your gender.

Meaning, if you want to be a CEO that has to wine and dine clients, then that means many nights of getting home after your kids go to bed. It means sacrificing your weekend to cut a red ribbon at some official event. Why should concessions be made just because you're a woman and you want to read your kids a bedtime story? And, even more ridiculous, if you have jobs that require people to stay offshore for long periods, why bother to even try to get women into long term careers there? I have observed female technicians offshore having to pass on tasks that require some physical strength to the guys. Which means, they could not pull their weight. Where is the equality there? I have always found it strange that women expect concessions to be made for them in the workplace, but when it comes to other folks (i.e. the men) having to do more to cover for them (if something has to get done, it has to get done, no?), become strangely silent. I know it must be terribly politically incorrect to say this - I firmly believe some jobs are just not cut out for women (offshore, the Army come to mind). As with everything else, it is merit that counts, not some laughable policy of having women in leadership just for the sake of having women in leadership.

So here's the thing. I recently received a couple of job offers, and I found myself considering stuff I would have never expected to, as someone who always considered herself not only ambitious, but who never expected any concessions to be made just because of her gender.

So I don't expect anyone to level my playing field or give me a leg up because I'm female. So it makes some sense, don't you think, that I never expected to have to make my own concessions or compromises when it comes to getting ahead. Now, being a woman in a relationship (marriage, family), with a career, I am starting to feel some of these contradictions. Who gives way in a dual career family? Who follows whom?

I received an offer from a competitor company, and declined as it would be better for both of us to work in the same organisation and progress together. Fair enough.

Then there was another offer to work in the Middle East. I have never worked, nor studied, abroad before and that has always been on my must-do list, although I will admit that an Arab country was not what I envisioned. I am giving it up also as I should not be going alone, I am not getting any younger, we need to stay together to start a family, etc etc. I know it's the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean giving up an opportunity like that was an easy decision. And what irks me is that had the situation been reversed, it would have been easier for me to follow my partner. It's normal. But not the other way around.

I know it's for the best, that many things are more important than climbing some ladder and money (heck I even wrote about it), but the truth is and call me naive, I never expected to make these kinds of decisions. I always imagined myself as a go-getter, and here I am declining offers left and right. And while I would not give up my relationship with my partner for anything, that I love the mutual support, the prospect of a life together, I will say this - these decisions don't come easy.

Oh man, now I wonder if I'm really ready for kids.

Update: It turns out that that so-called offer to work in the Middle East, was never that great to begin with. So all's well.