A couple of months back, I took part in something called a Shadow Coaching program, where a young chicko like myself was assigned to someone in really high management. In my case it was our Asia-Pacific VP, a well-respected industry figure who worked for the likes of Shlumberger and was awarded some honorary Masters for achieveing so much in her field, as a woman nonetheless.
I was supposed to "shadow" her to meetings and discussions, observe how she interacted with others, and generally feedback to her on stuff like how I thought she could improve her interactions, etc. It was supposed to 1) "Expose" someone my age and (read: low) seniority to the upper echelons of the company and soak in how a giant multi-national bla bla company should be run, and 2) give someone like her a chance to get some feedback from a fresh pair of eyes (yeah I know, raw deal for her). It was a great opportunity for me to see and be seen in a company where "visibility" is everything.
So I went along with the program, observing her give feedback to my boss's boss's boss, chair meetings with the heads of the company's China, Philippines, Brunei and Malaysia operations, watched her juggle financial numbers and asset inegrity issues. She even offered to take me to accompany her to the Singapore office to see how she handled her bosses. I also got a glimpse of her schedule, packed with Yoga classes, business trips to China and Singapore, as well as toga parties and trips to Paris, where she has her own apartment.
I learnt one thing in particular.
I don't want to be her.
I don't want to be a corporate monkey anymore.
There was a time when I was super ambitious, make no mistake. I went where the boys went, did what they did (as much as possible) and made sure I worked twice as hard as everyone else. Sleepless nights, onshore days spent in the office, taking on as much work as I could so that I learnt twice as fast as everyone else, or so I hoped.
I have come to realise one thing. OK, several things:-
1) It's a myth that one, a woman especially, can balance work and family. If you can, then, like another boss I know, you have zero time for yourself. This lady, good as she is at doing what she does work-wise, rushes home everyday to her kids, hardly goes on vacations, and has zero knowledge on the outside world because when she's not working, every waking moment she has is spent on her kids. No time for herself, and I don't even mean vacations or anything. No time even for watching/reading the news! What life is this? And CEOs/managers have to socialise all the time. Whether it's golfing with your Joint Venture partners, having some company dinner, cutting the ribbon at some charity event on the weekend, there's always something. I mean, it's alright if you love what you do. What if you don't? But make no mistake, in the beginning of your career you spend the hours learning and working, at the apex of your career you spend your extra hours schmoozing and pretending that that idiot's point of view is the best you ever heard. I have spent countless hours in company dinners wedged to my seat, laughing hollowly at my bosses' tales of when they were young and "hands-on." Hours of my life I will never get back.
2) No matter how hard I work, the damned government takes its cut. A corporate job is the worst when it comes to tax cuts, purely because most government policies are designed to favour the small business owners. There's a whole (excellent) theory behind that - businesses consume more, and they create jobs. And governments like that. The closest to job creation corporate monkeys will come to will be for Indonesian maids.
3) Many a time, it's not how good you get, it's who you know. And I have proven to be pretty lousy at the game. Sad but true. I'll have you know that I am working on this, but to tell the truth I kinda hate it :( I mean, I have had a job where I met new people every week and loved it, so by no means am I a recluse or shy. It's just that I get very bad at shmoozing for the sake of shmoozing itself, or worse, for myself and not for getting something done.
4) The trouble with the gigantic, beauracratic company like the one I work in is that work/achievement does not always correlate with reward. I know I sound bitter, and I would be a liar if I were to say I'm not. But there is a reason the Dilbert cartoons are so successful - this is common.
5) There is no UNLIMITED earning potential when you earn a salary. 'Nuff said.
What I want is FREEDOM, TIME and MONEY. Time to pursue my real interests, to go on vacations with or without my kids, time to spend with my parents. Money to do all these things. Freedom to do what I really want to do, to focus on OUR bottom line, not some else's.
Don't get me wrong. I acknowledge that there is no such thing as having all three without hard work, perseverance and the lot if you're not born into it, or did not marry it haha :)
But at the very least, I now know what I don't want.
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