Getting Better

I'm feeling so much better today.

Last night, I fell asleep almost immediately after we got home from dinner, woke up at 3 in the morning and mourned the exit of Jason Castro from AI and the fact I might never get to see him again. I tidied my room and looked high and low for my orthopeadic surgeon's referral letter, but instead I found a couple hundred bucks' worth of shopping vouchers!

I listened to Innocent, to Travelin' Thru, Hallelujah, Let It Be, Always Be My Baby and relived the magic moments on AI (call me shallow or dizzy but so be it). Sigh. It has been a great season - so grateful am onshore based just to be able to watch this.

I read Anthony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within and reaffirmed some beliefs. I've been sitting on my ass too long and just allowing things to happen to me. Nothing or nobody can make me feel anything. Period.

This afternoon, Old Big Boss handed me two tickets to tonight's show of Miri Jazz Festival! That means AK and I get to go on both days!

Also, my How to Be a Domestic Goddess arrived in Penang (update - I like How to Eat better, but this one has photos!) , plus I bought a LeSportSac tote from eBay. In a very un-me colour and pattern, but hey, one cannot live on black alone.

My American Idol

Thank you Jason Castro.




This performance was, to me, magic.


You made me a true fan of American Idol for the first time.


I'll pretend it's not your deep blue eyes (I think I have a thing for eyes - have you seen AK's?) and adorable baby photos. You made me realize that it is possible to remain yourself - honest, down to earth, humble and true to oneself, and it is possible in front of millions of people. It's ok to goof up, so long as one stays humble and is truthful about it. And it is absolutely necessary not to take oneself seriously, and that is what's endearing.


To take criticism honestly, but never let it get you down.

This guy, with his goofiness, funny, slightly cringe-inducing interview answers and all represents what I truly want to be (cringe again) - to be honest, sincere and not worry about what others think, because honesty to oneself is utmost.

So thank you. I'm actually glad he's off American Idol in a way (although I don't get to see him anymore...............) because it would be a shame to let the "Hollywood-ness" get to him. I'd buy his album in a throbbing heartbeat.

And that's what it's all about.

Learning By Doing

I promised myself that I would not take MH2598 Depart 2040 flights anymore. Reaching home after 11, falling asleep afer 1 am, then dragging myself out of bed the next morning to an empty office, because everyone is still holing up in their hotels in KL.



But that's exactly what I did.



Miri Jazz Festival this weekend, and AK and I have tickets!! At least something to look forward to.

Cruise Control

I think I really need an energy boost, not so much physically but mentally.

Why is it that I used to get so excited, adrenaline pumping and all gung-ho about my job, looking forward to each new day?

Now, I dread my workdays. I feel that I have either arrived too late, or am not good enough to make a real difference.

Had a conversation with one of my many bosses, and he mentioned how easy it was to just cruise along with the Titanic (ok, Titanic is my word for it) instead of flagging things up and really forcing change to happen. He talked about his expectations for me and why I was put into this team in the first place, despite warnings from new boss about "not rocking the boat too much."

Which reminds me of a question my Core Leadership Program course instructor once asked her class - Why do I want to be a leader?

I remember the answer that sprang in my mind straightaway - because I believe that I can make a difference. And I really did.

Fast forward just 5 months, and here I am, struggling to find my footing here.